Creation, In 6 Days
Creation, In 6 Days
I was pecking at a spill of taco salad next to
a bench in the plaza at Market Square. Two guys were sitting at opposite ends
of the bench arguing about how this whole world came to be. The guy with the
white shirt and bowtie kept saying that a god made it all in 6 days while the
guy in the blue tee-shirt said it came into existence all by itself. I've never
seen this god nor does it seem logical that it just popped into existence
either. Both remained unconvinced that what the other said had any merit at all
whilst I thought they both were majorly deceived. Their argument
digressed into name calling and insults to the intelligence of people who
thought like themselves. Actually, I mean "the other." It got
me thinking about how I would make a world like this one, and do it in 6 days.
I was surprised by just how much thinking is
actually inside this tiny head of mine. Brain size doesn't seem to have any
relationship to how smart it is or how much intelligence it has. I started
getting this idea in my head and it needed to get out soon if it was not to
make it explode.
This plan is Highly Intelligent Design and can
easily be accomplished by anyone with a high school education and a Time
Machine. First we have to believe in education and that it is useful.
Here is the Steps of Creation that can be done
in six Solar Days. Strap on your thinking caps and free your mind. Mine is
quite small and consists of a bit of cloth I found on Excelsior Street. On
Monday morning, get your coffee and Danish (off the sidewalk as for me), and
step into your time machine. Set your destination coordinates for a cluster of
asteroids and a temporal displacement of 10 million years in the future. It is
important to move into the distant future so that nothing you do will
accidentally make your discovery of time travel impossible or yourself for that
matter. Ten million years hence is a reasonable safety buffer.
When you get there you merely bump a few
asteroids together so that their collective gravitational pull will keep the
aggregation going. Then get out of the way and go home. Back in your basement
apartment you have the rest of the day to lounge around and listen to Pink
Floyd and Nirvana since you set the temporal coordinates to return 10 minutes after
you departed. Me, I'd go and enjoy a good laugh at the nuts at the Coo-coos'
Nest.
On Tuesday afternoon after you get up and
remedy that hangover from the night before, you make the plan for Day Two. On
this day you jump into your time machine, well okay, stumble into your time
machine and set the coordinates for the cluster of asteroids you started in the
location it will be when you get there 510 million years in your normal future.
I did say you could do this with a high school education, didn't I? Well the
time machine has all the computing power to figure out the XYZ coordinates and
temporal displacements.
When you get there you see what has become of
your initial actions. The glob of asteroids is quite large now and the ice
chunks in the galaxy have made clouds above the surface and the surface has
gotten cooler and solid. The process is going well so you can just go home and
goof off the rest of the day.
Wednesday is the seminal day in your Plan of
Creation. 500 million more years in the future you go there with a sack of
seeds. Included are acorns, buckeyes, ginko pods, wheat, marsh grasses and a
whole lot of varieties of weed. As you pass over the fledgling planet you
scatter your seeds in every crevice. Extremely tired and in want of a cigarette
you go home and sleep until the sun goes down and you wonder just what time is
really is and wonder does anybody really know what time it is.
On Thursday you are already up to Day Four and
must get serious. At an aggregate temporal displacement of 1,510 million years
you arrive to find the entire planet to be Edenesque and covered by trees,
fields of grass and weeds. You see a lot of varieties that you did not bring
and realized they all adapted to this world. At this point you dump bags of
water from your own world into the seas there on that planet. In it are
amoebas, rotifers, plankton, algae, and a couple of guppies. After this long
day of activity you sample some of the weeds for their medicinal properties and
decide that it is good.
Friday, you decide to blow it off and check
out some more varieties of plant life that had evolved since your last visit.
This is not really a problem because you can always fix anything in
post-production if necessary.
Saturday is the big Sixth Day. You set the
temporal displacement to 2.5 billion years in your normal future and jump to
the proper galactic position. Upon landing you see that things had gone
terribly wrong. There are human-like people all over the place dressed in
form-fitting tights and everyone has one color cape or other. They all have
neck gills and vestigial fins on the forearms and lower legs. Just then you
remember what became of your DC and Marvel Comic books. The guppies had evolved
into all sorts of species. Even the cat-like critters had back fins and fish
tails. The outcomes of the evolutionary processes were not too strange
especially "missing link" examples that were mermaid like females who
still swam in the estuaries and continually beckoned you to come in for a swim.
I think there would be 6 foot pigeons who could converse in English, of course,
and actually had something to say.
You stay longer this trip than you usually did
but that didn't seem to be a problem for some reason. On your way home at the
end of the day, just before sundown, you go back to your Thursday time and
place and collect your forgotten comic books. This method of fixing your
mistake is far more humane than drowning everyone and starting over. Besides,
attempts to drown all the descendants of guppies would probably fail anyway.
Sunday, you go again to the 2.5 billion year
mark just to see if your micro fix was effective. Oh, horrors!
Hey, this explanation is no worse than what
humans have believed for thousands of years. Besides that, prove me wrong.
Creation, In 6 Days
